Earlier in the week I booked a small SUV (Sports Utility Vehicle) for an early pick up today. I got there this morning and they said they didn’t have one for me (bad times) but they can upgrade me to a large one (good times). This thing is HUGE! I have never driven a Dodge before let alone one that requires a parachute to break the fall from stepping out of the door. It had all mod-cons which included satellite radio. I was listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 at the correct time, but the other side of the planet… It was great! Great until I had to an emergency stop. It’s not what you think… I didn’t crash but for some reason the interior light came on when I applied the brakes. Whatever I do I can’t get this light off. I tried switching off the engine and starting it again to no avail. Not the best thing to do at a traffic light in the morning rush hour when you are in the middle lane of five lanes of traffic.
At lunchtime I thought I would go for a cruise around the city, but then though, I may as well try the BMV again to see if I could do my written driving test. I glanced at the booklet last night and it doesn’t cost anything to try. As was filling out the form the woman next to me got called. “sorry hun, try again tomorrow… you got 14 questions wrong” the lady behind the desk said. This isn’t good I thought. I finish filling in the test and a guy got just in front of me before I handed my paper in. We both waited for the papers to be graded. Tick tock…”Mr Smith” she yelled across the room to the guy who was just in front of me, “you’ll have to come in again tomorrow. You got 18 of the 50 wrong”. At this stage I am wishing I studied more. “Mr German” came the yell… “you passed, you got 1 wrong” Thanks very much luv! Result! This must be the first written test I have ever passed! I got one wrong but she couldn’t tell me which one when I asked. I’m guessing it was the ‘what does the red light mean’ question. I always get that wrong.
Soon it gets to the end of the day and I head for the airport. Yes, it’s that time. The moment I have been waiting for since four weeks ago when I first arrived. Yep, being reunited to my darling wife and kids. Right then big truck and sat-nav, let’s go! “take the next right in 500ft” comes the automated voice. OK, I’ll follow your all knowing directions. 20 minutes to go, I’ll be there in plenty of time… “you have reached you destination?”. Er, no I am in the middle of nowhere! Where is the blood y airport? It had taken me to the old airport. You know, the old one… made of straw! I’m really starting not to trust this thing. I had a funny feeling when it get to the location specified and then states it like it’s asking you a question “destination on the right?” I ended using ‘verbal communication’ and as a man I am likely to struggle with that. Luckily I seemed to manage it and get in the airport 5 minutes after to flight was due to land. The flight was late by 30 minutes so it really didn’t matter in the end.
Sarah flight must have been pack out. There was loads of people getting off, but as I waited, (wanting to belt the guy who was getting in the way of me looking down the corridor where they come out) I see three exhausted figures appear. Oh here it comes, here are the hugs and kisses. Ah, bliss!
I soon became aware that the 8 then 6 hours of flying had taken it’s toll on fatigue and , ahem, on Zacks pants. “He had an accident on the plane and now he is going commando” said Sarah. Fair enough… “daddy, I have had another accident” came a little voice. OK people we have a code brown here. Zack! Don’t run, or at least tuck you trousers into your socks. Yep, after 4 weeks off I was back into action as Dad you get clean up any s**tuation.Once here was all cleaned up we were ready to load the car. It’s a good job I did get that upgrade. Even with all the seats down the car was packed out! The kids had to sit cross legged on the back with cases in front of them too.
There are all in bed now, safe and sound. The gentle snore from Katie, the “ur” from Sarah in her comatosed state passed out on the bed and the complete silence from Zack… in fact I better check her is still breathing. …. …….. yep he is fine I just poked him and he moved.
It’s good to have them back, even though my first job was to clean out the clothes and the apartment looks like a bomb has hit it. I don’t care though. I had the sound of children laughing in here earlier. That wipes out the ticking clock, humming refrigerator and buzzing light. (bloody light, in fact I’m gonna take that b**tard out right now). That’s better.
Right off to fill the car up again ready for retuning it tomorrow morning.
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