So today I was in a meeting and I was told that we are to some work for a “Top Shelf” client. When I was asked why I looked so excited about it, I said that usually my darling wife doesn’t even let me have that kind of stuff in the house… and now I get to see it at work! Result!
It turns out that a “Top Shelf” in this context means “extremely attractive or supreme person or thing”, rather than the top shelf where all the dirty magazines are kept.
There was me thinking we were doing the next Playboy website!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
More Slippage
Today at work we work talking about… well… work and I found myself saying “inner ned” rather “Internet”. I thought this to be a one off thing until I got home in the evening and got into a situation where I was trying to convince my darling daughter (Katie) to get ready for bed.
“KAY-DEE COM-OWN” – I heard myself shout.
Shocked at this, I am now taking elocution lessons and renting the Mary Poppins DVD, as I am told that “Burt the Chimney Sweep” sounds like a real Englishman.
“KAY-DEE COM-OWN” – I heard myself shout.
Shocked at this, I am now taking elocution lessons and renting the Mary Poppins DVD, as I am told that “Burt the Chimney Sweep” sounds like a real Englishman.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Wax on Wax off
They say that old habits die hard. Back in the UK I was fairly car proud. I mean I wouldn’t say that I would religiously clean it every weekend, but when it needed doing, I wouldn’t be afraid to get the brushes and buckets out.
Since I have been here I haven’t seen anyone clean their own car. There are lots of car washes around (usually with long lines of cars waiting to be seen), but to see someone outside their own house with so much as a jet wash... So what! I don’t care! All I know is that due to the amount of snow that we have had and the sheer volume of salt that has been put down, my car is so grey that it is blending in the with color of the road.
Time to wash the car me thinks
Off I go, thoroughly washing the windows and liberally using my secret formula of vinegar and washing up liquid to make my car gleam. Carrying on with my usual method of wash, rinse and shine I suddenly realized why nobody cleans their own car here.
The thing that became very obvious while cleaning the other side of the car is that this kind of job is best performed above 0oC as water (just in case you didn’t know) freezes! I’m sure this seems obvious but you need to realize that in the last 7 weeks the warmest it has been is 2oC and the coldest it has been -16oC, but usually it is around the -4oC mark. After a while you get used to it and forget how cold it actually is. Of course being British I reserve the right to bitch about the cold!
Anyway, I think it is safe to say I have learned my lesson in car washing, as the new method I am adopting is wash, rinse, scrape ice away ...screw it, that will do.
There is no way I am going to stand out here and shine this bloody thing!
Since I have been here I haven’t seen anyone clean their own car. There are lots of car washes around (usually with long lines of cars waiting to be seen), but to see someone outside their own house with so much as a jet wash... So what! I don’t care! All I know is that due to the amount of snow that we have had and the sheer volume of salt that has been put down, my car is so grey that it is blending in the with color of the road.
Time to wash the car me thinks
- Buckets – Check
- Hot Water – Check
- Brushes – Check
- Let’s do this thing!
Off I go, thoroughly washing the windows and liberally using my secret formula of vinegar and washing up liquid to make my car gleam. Carrying on with my usual method of wash, rinse and shine I suddenly realized why nobody cleans their own car here.
The thing that became very obvious while cleaning the other side of the car is that this kind of job is best performed above 0oC as water (just in case you didn’t know) freezes! I’m sure this seems obvious but you need to realize that in the last 7 weeks the warmest it has been is 2oC and the coldest it has been -16oC, but usually it is around the -4oC mark. After a while you get used to it and forget how cold it actually is. Of course being British I reserve the right to bitch about the cold!
Anyway, I think it is safe to say I have learned my lesson in car washing, as the new method I am adopting is wash, rinse, scrape ice away ...screw it, that will do.
There is no way I am going to stand out here and shine this bloody thing!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
How do you like your eggs on the morning?
This is the strangest thing. I didn't think I was odd in wanting a boiled egg. It turns out this is a bit of weird thing. People don't have boiled eggs.
- Scrambled - of course
- Poached - why not
- Fried - absolutely
- Boiled - you what!
I had a conversation the other day with a store clerk at an expensive, sorry, I mean exclusive kitchen shop about where you find egg cups and she had no idea what I was talking about.
“Do you eat the shell?” she asks in a very puzzled way
“No you take the top off” I say
“With what”
“A knife”
“You saw it open”
“No you give a whack”
“How do you eat the stuff in the top”
“It called egg white and you use a spoon... Then dip soldiers in the egg yolk (you know the yellow bit)”
“Soldiers?” she says looking at me as if I’m about to dip military personnel into an egg.”
“Never mind. Do you sell egg cups or not?”
“Er…No.”
I left the store empty handed but felt I had past on valuable knowledge of another culture, oh, that and what the yellow bit is.
Currently we are using coke bottle tops to balance the eggs on but I'm sure they will have a thing called eBay here.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Big Cheese in Chicago
I have a busy day to as I am meeting the big boss of Gatorade. I say meet, I will be in the same room but I’m not sure how bigger part I will play in the meeting.
5:50am - Phone call from Zack’s school to say there is a 2 hour delay on the school bus arriving due to the snow.
6:00am - breakfast with the kids.
6:30am - Wash and dressed (listening to Chris Moyles Breakfast Show on Radio 1. God bless Sirius XM)
6:55am - See the lump of snow that I think is my car… but no path.
7:20 - Found car and dug it out of the snow.
7:25 - Get stuck in traffic
8:30 - Arrive at Greg’s apartment building
8:43 - Swing past the office to pick up business cards
9:10 - Arrive at airport
9:25 - Airport Security: Greg goes through without any problems, I get a scan, pat-down and a look of hope from a guy wearing a latex glove
10:40 - Take off
10:41 - Man reading the newspaper next to me has claimed the middle arm rest
11:10 - He reaches to put the rubbish in the bin that the air hostess is bringing around and I take my chance... Muhahaha (eat my elbow newspaper man).
11:59 - Newspaper man starts chatting to me and he tells me that he once dated a girl from Bristol. I told him I love Bristol city’s...
12:00 - I’m still laughing to myself
12:05 - We get off the plane in to the sunny city of Detroit (Sunny, yeah right). The airport here is a lot like the one at Indianapolis but it has a monorail inside the main terminal. It kind of reminds me of the Disney hotel near the Epcot centre in Florida. I thought to myself this is how the Jetsons must live.
12:10 - Get on second plane to Chicago
12:34 - Still waiting on the plane. There is a delay as there is ice under the wings. The pilot has powered down the plane while a kind of jet wash type thing come and steams it off. Good to see the "Mikes car wash" franchise is branching out.
14:20 - Made it... Now let me out
15:20 - Get taxi to the PepsiCo Building
16:45 - We are massively early, so we wait in the McDonalds across the street.
17:00 - We enter the PepsiCo lobby take the elevator to the top floor where Gatorade is (G level)
17:10 - I am a conference room that overlooks the Chicago and I can see Lake Michigan in all its freezing glory. There are around 30 people from different parts of Pepsi, Gatorade and the New Design Company. We were asked to go around the circle to say who you were, what company you we are from and what your job title was. As we went round the circle, the titles people came out with were, well acronym city! “I’m CEO of VML… I’m VP of PSML… I’m Creative director of Blah blah, I’m executive assistant to the CEO and VP of VML.” By the time it got to me I was unsure what to say as it didn’t seem as grand as all of these. In the end I said I was a web designer, but in my head I so wanted to say “I’m Ben German BSc, with expertise in CSS and SEO, but FYI I’m a VIP, LOL, PMSL.. JK”. I was quite impressed that at least two people from the creative agency had a little goatee thing just under their lip (I think they call it a caterpillar). I’d love to grow one, but whenever I try to do it I start stroking it with my to
p lip and end up being gurner of the year and getting chapped lips.
19:07 - Lets go for drinks... Two words that work best together were then said… “Open Bar” This was a good chance to meet some of the people from the different creative agencies. I suddenly became aware of whose company I was in. The people I am now having a drink with are from the top Creative agencies in the mid west. These people have done work for brands like Ford, Warner Bros, Adidas, HSBC, MSN, Microsoft and Xbox. I was like I was in the company of the Mel Gibson character in “What women want”. You need to understand, as a creative type myself, this was like creative royalty.
20.15 - Back to the airport
21:30 - Gourmet meal in the airport
22:50 - Board the plane
23:15 - Finally taxi to the end of the runway in all the snow.
00:05 - Land in Indianapolis
00:20 - Drop Greg off
01:00 - I get into bed
What a day!
5:50am - Phone call from Zack’s school to say there is a 2 hour delay on the school bus arriving due to the snow.
6:00am - breakfast with the kids.
6:30am - Wash and dressed (listening to Chris Moyles Breakfast Show on Radio 1. God bless Sirius XM)
6:55am - See the lump of snow that I think is my car… but no path.
7:20 - Found car and dug it out of the snow.
7:25 - Get stuck in traffic
8:30 - Arrive at Greg’s apartment building
8:43 - Swing past the office to pick up business cards
9:10 - Arrive at airport
9:25 - Airport Security: Greg goes through without any problems, I get a scan, pat-down and a look of hope from a guy wearing a latex glove
10:40 - Take off
10:41 - Man reading the newspaper next to me has claimed the middle arm rest
11:10 - He reaches to put the rubbish in the bin that the air hostess is bringing around and I take my chance... Muhahaha (eat my elbow newspaper man).
11:59 - Newspaper man starts chatting to me and he tells me that he once dated a girl from Bristol. I told him I love Bristol city’s...
12:00 - I’m still laughing to myself
12:05 - We get off the plane in to the sunny city of Detroit (Sunny, yeah right). The airport here is a lot like the one at Indianapolis but it has a monorail inside the main terminal. It kind of reminds me of the Disney hotel near the Epcot centre in Florida. I thought to myself this is how the Jetsons must live.
12:10 - Get on second plane to Chicago
12:34 - Still waiting on the plane. There is a delay as there is ice under the wings. The pilot has powered down the plane while a kind of jet wash type thing come and steams it off. Good to see the "Mikes car wash" franchise is branching out.
14:20 - Made it... Now let me out
15:20 - Get taxi to the PepsiCo Building
16:45 - We are massively early, so we wait in the McDonalds across the street.
17:00 - We enter the PepsiCo lobby take the elevator to the top floor where Gatorade is (G level)
17:10 - I am a conference room that overlooks the Chicago and I can see Lake Michigan in all its freezing glory. There are around 30 people from different parts of Pepsi, Gatorade and the New Design Company. We were asked to go around the circle to say who you were, what company you we are from and what your job title was. As we went round the circle, the titles people came out with were, well acronym city! “I’m CEO of VML… I’m VP of PSML… I’m Creative director of Blah blah, I’m executive assistant to the CEO and VP of VML.” By the time it got to me I was unsure what to say as it didn’t seem as grand as all of these. In the end I said I was a web designer, but in my head I so wanted to say “I’m Ben German BSc, with expertise in CSS and SEO, but FYI I’m a VIP, LOL, PMSL.. JK”. I was quite impressed that at least two people from the creative agency had a little goatee thing just under their lip (I think they call it a caterpillar). I’d love to grow one, but whenever I try to do it I start stroking it with my to
p lip and end up being gurner of the year and getting chapped lips.
19:07 - Lets go for drinks... Two words that work best together were then said… “Open Bar” This was a good chance to meet some of the people from the different creative agencies. I suddenly became aware of whose company I was in. The people I am now having a drink with are from the top Creative agencies in the mid west. These people have done work for brands like Ford, Warner Bros, Adidas, HSBC, MSN, Microsoft and Xbox. I was like I was in the company of the Mel Gibson character in “What women want”. You need to understand, as a creative type myself, this was like creative royalty.
20.15 - Back to the airport
21:30 - Gourmet meal in the airport
22:50 - Board the plane
23:15 - Finally taxi to the end of the runway in all the snow.
00:05 - Land in Indianapolis
00:20 - Drop Greg off
01:00 - I get into bed
What a day!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Americans and roundabouts
I have found driving here to be really easy. The roads a straight, the cruise control is a button away (even in my heap of a car) and people seem to leave you to it. The only time you tend to hear a beep from another driver is usually because you are waiting at a red light, but you are allowed to turn on red and they are just reminding you that you are in America.
The only time when the driving is a bit of an issue is when it comes to roundabouts. This is a fairly new phenomenon that is gradually being introduced here and people just don’t understand them. I would love to say it is just the older generations who have a problem with it but there are really no exceptions to the rule. It seems that quite a few people get to the roundabout and forget who has right of way and how to indicate.
When they drive up to it is not done in an aggressive way, but rather a very polite way… “You go first… No you… No I insist” as the cars gently edge towards each other ready to collide.
Yesterday I saw a lady stop on the side of a roundabout to let someone through and cause a two car pileup behind her! Who should get their car towed away first? “You go first… No you… No I insist”.
The only time when the driving is a bit of an issue is when it comes to roundabouts. This is a fairly new phenomenon that is gradually being introduced here and people just don’t understand them. I would love to say it is just the older generations who have a problem with it but there are really no exceptions to the rule. It seems that quite a few people get to the roundabout and forget who has right of way and how to indicate.
When they drive up to it is not done in an aggressive way, but rather a very polite way… “You go first… No you… No I insist” as the cars gently edge towards each other ready to collide.
Yesterday I saw a lady stop on the side of a roundabout to let someone through and cause a two car pileup behind her! Who should get their car towed away first? “You go first… No you… No I insist”.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Arms in the back
At lunchtime today I wanted to go out for a bit of fresh air and see a bit of Indianapolis I haven’t seen before. I went for a wonder around a place called the city market. It is indoor market where they would sell fruit, veg and meat. Since I have been here this is the first time I have seen private individuals sell produce, rather than a big corporation like WalMart. I kind of like the place but you can defiantly tell that is on the other side of the tracks.
It is very close to the city jail. I haven’t seen the city jail but I know it is there because of all the bail bond shops. There is one after another.
The weirdest thing I have seen here is that they are competing for business. I’m not kidding when I tell you I saw a sign in the window saying “half price sale on all bail bonds”. Sounds like a bargain to me… I felt I couldn’t resist an offer like this… so I mugged an old lady!
On my way back to the office there was a thundering bass sound of music blaring from the trunk (boot) of a car. I glanced to see what all the noise was about and saw there were three men pointing and laughing in a kind of shady way stood at the back of the car that was making all the noise. As I walked past one of them I noticed he was holding a belt…or so I thought. It turns out it was a belt of bullets… I kept walking and didn’t look back.
It is very close to the city jail. I haven’t seen the city jail but I know it is there because of all the bail bond shops. There is one after another.
The weirdest thing I have seen here is that they are competing for business. I’m not kidding when I tell you I saw a sign in the window saying “half price sale on all bail bonds”. Sounds like a bargain to me… I felt I couldn’t resist an offer like this… so I mugged an old lady!
On my way back to the office there was a thundering bass sound of music blaring from the trunk (boot) of a car. I glanced to see what all the noise was about and saw there were three men pointing and laughing in a kind of shady way stood at the back of the car that was making all the noise. As I walked past one of them I noticed he was holding a belt…or so I thought. It turns out it was a belt of bullets… I kept walking and didn’t look back.
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