Today I have had what I would call an average work day. I’m working on a project that isn’t released yet and unfortunately I can’t talk about. What I can talk about however is the differences between American and British culture that to book don’t tell you about. I know I am fresh off the boat and in a few months time I am sure that it will be the norm and not even register.
Toilets – let’s start from the bottom up (don’t read this bit if you are close to eating).
A toilet isn’t called a toilet here, it is called a bathroom. You may find that ridiculous as there isn’t a bath in them, but I worked out you can call it the men’s room and it is perfectly acceptable. I use this as I can’t bring myself to ask where the bathroom is in a pub.
Sit Carefully - I said sit:
The actual toilet bowls are a bit of a shock too. They are almost full of water. So what? In the UK you tend to get a bit of water at the bottom and there is anywhere between 6 inches and a 1ft before the water starts. Many a time have we all sat there, dropping the twins off at the pool, with a proud bomb dropping “Plip Plop Plumpch”, often with the dam busters theme running through your head. Oh and don’t forget the occasional splash back. Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I am talking about. The American toilet is quite a different experience. There is literally inches between you and the water. It’s more like the launching of a ship to sea on its maiden voyage. (I have been taking champagne bottles to break when I go now). That really is not the worst of it. Due the bowl being so full before you flush (if you dare to look) there is an armada of ships (that was ships) floating in VERY close to where you a sitting (yes, that was sitting). My advice it to drop em, plop me and get the hell out of there… oh and wipe.Cubicles – a peeping toms paradise:
Ever needed to go, and faced with a row of closed doors? Now sure if there is anyone in there? Generally you tend to look for a shadow under the door or a pair of shoes. Again, it’s slightly different here. The doors generally start about 18 inches from the floor. This is just below the knees. Do you think that would make you feel a little exposed? No? Try this. In the UK the doors are generally overlapped, thus hiding the gap. Not here, between the edge of the door and the door frame there is a good half an inch gap. The real question has to be “is there any point in having the door?” The answer is…. Yes (well, that is what the officer told me).TV’s in toilets – I may never leave here: In the centre of Indianapolis there is a restaurant called Scotty’s. It’s a very nice sport bar that does really good food. There are booths along the sides of the walls that have small LCD TV’s that show the sports games. There are also big HD TV’s mounted, above the bar, on the ceiling and above the doors. In fact there are all over the place. In the toilet there are TV’s at face height above the urinals showing adverts for promotions and the football games that are on. If you are there to watch the game, there is literally no escaping it. I tried to change the channel in the toilet than the thought of who was the last person to try to do this and what were they likely to be doing? Hmm, now wash your hands!
Why walk when you can drive?
I had my rant about paths to nowhere yesterday, but who needs them where you have a car to get you there. Last Saturday I was in the club house (taking advantage of the free wi-fi) and a couple came in to talk about renting an apartment here. Brandy, (a really nice lady who helped organize us get set up here) said, “you wanna go and see it”, “sure” the couple said. Now, I live in the far corner of the community (or complex as you and I would call it) and it takes me 6 minutes and 23 seconds to walk there. Yes, I timed it, because I am sad and I live here alone at the moment. ANYWAY! As I sat in the club house they literally got in their cars, started their engines and drove out of the car park around the corner to the other car park in front of the apartment. This is unbelievable. It was like and episode of Bread when “our Billy” parks the other side of the road outside his mams house when he has fallen out with his wife.
In the part of the world where we are living just now you quite often see empty cars with the engine running. It can get very cold here and it is nice to have a nice warm car right? I’ll come on to the environment in a sec, but these people are very trusting, which is very refreshing to see. On my epic journey across the 60 lanes of traffic the other night I did see a car sat there idling away. It was cold, I was tired, a good mile away from the apartment and I would be lying if it didn’t cross my mind to take it for a spin. I didn’t, for the record.
The People – “you have a great day”
A vast majority of people here really do have time for you and really want to help you if they can. I’m not saying everyone is like that, and I’m sure in some densely populated they would rather step on your face than to look at you, but here that is not the case. I have already talked about how good the people of Carmel have been helping me out where they can, but let me tell you about some of the things that struck me as odd, but here is an everyday occurrence.
Sir – “How are you today sir?” “eh? Who me? Fine! What do you want from me?” I’m ashamed to say is my initial reaction when I first came across this. It is quite the norm to be called Sir by young kids, OAPs and even you peers. “It’s my round, what do you want” “Budweiser please Sir”… it just seems weird!
Young youth – So I am walking down the Monon trail and I see a group of 8 teenage boys on bikes and skate boards. In the UK we would call these “Goths”. There was 1 of me, 8 of them, getting closer and closer, looking at me that teenage look of “I hate everything”. They are moving fast and think I may have jump to one side to let them by. Ten feet to go and the slow right down and say: “Good afternoon sir, how are you today?” “I’m good, how are you” says I. “I’m good too, thank you for asking… have a great day” and off they trundle down the trail. What was that all about? Shouldn’t I have a slit throat by now?
Go ahead, buddy, it’s awesome – Now this is a strange one that I have noticed. People here use the term “go ahead” a lot. “Why don’t you go ahead with that, while I go ahead with this… sorry where you about to say something?.. go ahead”. This is quite infectious as I have found myself going ahead and say it out of context. (you see what I did there). They don’t have mates here they have buddies. I am introduced quite often as Dan’s co-worker. I’m trying not to read too much into that but one day I might get promoted :0). The other word you hear a lot is “Awesome”. “There is a new cool thing you have to have it is awesome” compared with “this thing is broken… awesome”. Did you spot the difference? No? Awesome!
I am brilliant at cooking! – I can pierce the film in 2 seconds flat!
I will be the first to admit that I am struggling with food here a little bit. I’m determined not to fall in the fast food trap. To prevent this I have my trusty Jamie Oliver cookbook “Ministry of Food”, thanks to my darling wife sending it over to me. The only thing about this is that it refers to ingredients that, quite frankly, don’t exist here. Crème fresh is a thing I use quite a bit in cooking. If it is low fat, you can make some amazing things, both sweet and savory that are good for you. Can I find it here? Can I Bo***cks! So far I have tried a version of soured cream…no, a cream cheese spread thing… No, fat free thick yoghurt…ew no and a cream cheese fruit dip… NO! YUK!
My food just doesn’t taste the same here. I did after looking at 4 different stores found some Pataks curry paste. Back in the UK you have madras, korma, tikka and so on… Here you get “Hot” or “Medium”. It seems it spice first, flavor second.
You really have to look hard for fresh ingredients, but when you find them it is incredible. The fruit here is really shiny. I don’t know if there is a guy with a duster going around making the apples gleam or what. In the UK they seem to be sticky and need a damn good washing to get that layer of grease of them before eating.
The Environment – why sort and separate when we have a massive bin?
Now this has to be my least favourite thing about being here. Proactive attitude towards the environment is just non-existent for the masses. Dan told me that his parents recycle. They actually have to pay someone to pick up recyclable materials from their house. If you want to be environmentally friendly you have to pay. I just can’t get my head around why this is. Blossom recycled and she was about in the early 90’s. This, “throw it in the dumpster” attitude along with the idling cars and the “lets drive to that side of the car park” really hits home why the USA has reputation for being one of the worst polluters in the world. I know that some feel that recycling your household waste is a little bit like going to a landfill site with a dustpan and brush, but I personally believe if everyone was responsible for what they consume the planet would be in a lot better shape. I am not a hippy or anything.
Peace out!
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