spooky coincidence?

It’s Saturday and it’s time to go shopping. As you know there is a quick way to go to the shops and there is a safe way to go to the shops. With family in tow I thought it to be better to go the safe way. Unfortunately this does mean walking an additional 35 minutes. That is bearable, but doing it with two (“my feet hurt & are we there yet”) kids is quite another matter. We eventually get to Wal-Mart and decide to put the kids in the trolley to, you know, give the kids feet a rest. With the plan to get a taxi back we buy some of life’s comforts, including a hairdryer and a DVD player. Before we know it we have a full shopping cart (or trolley as we know em) full of stuff. With rumbling tummies we decide to go to subway to get something to eat and call a cab. Should I really wheel this trolley from one shopping complex to another? Well it is a full trolley and the kids are tired so I figure, what the hell, let’s do it. I must admit that I did think about growing stubble and had a yearning for a can of special brew. We finally get across the busy road to where subway is and I empty the trolley. I should have taken it back really but I wanted to keep up appearances……… so I pushed it in a pond (just kidding! It was a lake)

We chill out and have something to eat and think about getting home. Problem 1, what is the number of the taxi company? Problem 2, where are we… er … outside of subway… er near the Wal-Mart and McDonalds (that really narrows it down). With trusty iPod touch in hand, I go looking for a wifi signal I can jump on to. I get the yellow pages on screen ready to give the taxi company a call. There are four results that are returned: Pet Taxi (I just figured it was a small company or an expat Gordie with a cab company). Nope it turns out that it is a company the transports pets…Great! Number two on the list “please leave a message after to tone” WTF! For a taxi company are you kidding me! Number three, ring ring beeeeeeeeeeeeeee… Great! Come on number four. “you have reached to offices of fox technology… please leave a message…” oh bugger!

Right! Who’s up for a little wander home then? I crack on with repacking the bags to get them into a position where I didn’t crush anything.

“Excuse me Sir” came a voice. “huh?” I said. “Have you been let down by a taxi firm or are you waiting to be picked up by someone? My husband and I were just having coffee and it looked like you need some help”. The Lady went on to say she owned a business there and her husband valued houses for a living. Now I wouldn’t usually get into cars with strangers but she and her husband didn’t seem to be the type to abduct us. (Apart from than I recon Sarah could have taken them out if it all went wrong, and I could of held her coat). Door to door service! Result! Like I keep saying these are very generous people who can’t do enough to help you. I expressed my extreme gratitude and said if there was anything I could do for them please let me know.

Earlier in the day I left a message with a man called Dave that deals in cars. He is a friend of Dan’s from the church. He rang back and said he had a friend of the church that sells cars and he is still open. Do you fancy going around there and seeing what he has and maybe go for a test drive? Yep! Sounds good to me! Twenty five minutes later I was out the door on my way to see a car, driven by another person I only just met. This is starting to become a regular theme. After a nice chat about the differences between the USA and UK we arrived at the car dealership. We are on quite a tight budget, (but face it, who isn’t) and I told him how much I had to spend. At one end of the car park there was your top of the line SUV’s and at the other there were complete wrecks. There were 2 that fitted my price range. One was, let’s say, basic. Electric nothing, small engine and made in 2004. The second one was bigger, quite luxurious, but built in 2000 with a few more miles on the clock. I took it for a spin but it really didn’t accelerate quite how I wanted it to. It turns out I had the brake on. Hey! Don’t judge me OK. There is a fold down seat in the middle between the two front seats where you would expect to see a brake handle. On this car there is a pedal on the floor for. It was next to the other brake pedal. So just in case you didn’t get that, the pedals are: [Brake][Brake][Accelerate]. The worst thing is the brake is where the clutch would be on a stick shift (manual) gear box. Some see this as daunting. I see it as keeping other road users on their toes :0)

I will think about over the weekend and let you know I decide.

Once I got back it was trick or treat time. This is definitely big deal here, just not so much in the community we are currently living. In total we got treats from 6 out 20 doors knocked. I get to impression that if you were to go to a neighborhood with houses rather than apartments to would be quite a different experience. My favorite highlight of the evening was when Katie knocked a door and a voice came back with a very basey “yeah what!”. Katie then looked at me with big eyes to say “should we go or stay”. Just then the door opened with the bright light shining in her face. She looked up to the ceiling and this huge black bloke (let’s call him high-tower) who pretty much filled the doorway and looked down on my little daughter. “Trick or treat” said in the faintest voice I have ever heard. “Oh sweetie, I don’t have any candy… but yo luk so sweeet, I’m so sorry I don’t have anything”. “That’s OK, thank you anyway” says Katie. I look back as we leave to see this tree of a man say “awe…”

Oh bless him

Touch Down

A very exciting day today! It has been building up to today. My Darling wife and children arrive today, and I can’t wait! I had a little look around and it is cheaper to hire a car and pick them up from the airport than it is to book a taxi with the capacity to carry the amount of baggage I’m expecting them to have with them.

Earlier in the week I booked a small SUV (Sports Utility Vehicle) for an early pick up today. I got there this morning and they said they didn’t have one for me (bad times) but they can upgrade me to a large one (good times). This thing is HUGE! I have never driven a Dodge before let alone one that requires a parachute to break the fall from stepping out of the door. It had all mod-cons which included satellite radio. I was listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 at the correct time, but the other side of the planet… It was great! Great until I had to an emergency stop. It’s not what you think… I didn’t crash but for some reason the interior light came on when I applied the brakes. Whatever I do I can’t get this light off. I tried switching off the engine and starting it again to no avail. Not the best thing to do at a traffic light in the morning rush hour when you are in the middle lane of five lanes of traffic.

At lunchtime I thought I would go for a cruise around the city, but then though, I may as well try the BMV again to see if I could do my written driving test. I glanced at the booklet last night and it doesn’t cost anything to try. As was filling out the form the woman next to me got called. “sorry hun, try again tomorrow… you got 14 questions wrong” the lady behind the desk said. This isn’t good I thought. I finish filling in the test and a guy got just in front of me before I handed my paper in. We both waited for the papers to be graded. Tick tock…”Mr Smith” she yelled across the room to the guy who was just in front of me, “you’ll have to come in again tomorrow. You got 18 of the 50 wrong”. At this stage I am wishing I studied more. “Mr German” came the yell… “you passed, you got 1 wrong” Thanks very much luv! Result! This must be the first written test I have ever passed! I got one wrong but she couldn’t tell me which one when I asked. I’m guessing it was the ‘what does the red light mean’ question. I always get that wrong.

Soon it gets to the end of the day and I head for the airport. Yes, it’s that time. The moment I have been waiting for since four weeks ago when I first arrived. Yep, being reunited to my darling wife and kids. Right then big truck and sat-nav, let’s go! “take the next right in 500ft” comes the automated voice. OK, I’ll follow your all knowing directions. 20 minutes to go, I’ll be there in plenty of time… “you have reached you destination?”. Er, no I am in the middle of nowhere! Where is the blood y airport? It had taken me to the old airport. You know, the old one… made of straw! I’m really starting not to trust this thing. I had a funny feeling when it get to the location specified and then states it like it’s asking you a question “destination on the right?” I ended using ‘verbal communication’ and as a man I am likely to struggle with that. Luckily I seemed to manage it and get in the airport 5 minutes after to flight was due to land. The flight was late by 30 minutes so it really didn’t matter in the end.

Sarah flight must have been pack out. There was loads of people getting off, but as I waited, (wanting to belt the guy who was getting in the way of me looking down the corridor where they come out) I see three exhausted figures appear. Oh here it comes, here are the hugs and kisses. Ah, bliss! I soon became aware that the 8 then 6 hours of flying had taken it’s toll on fatigue and , ahem, on Zacks pants. “He had an accident on the plane and now he is going commando” said Sarah. Fair enough… “daddy, I have had another accident” came a little voice. OK people we have a code brown here. Zack! Don’t run, or at least tuck you trousers into your socks. Yep, after 4 weeks off I was back into action as Dad you get clean up any s**tuation.

Once here was all cleaned up we were ready to load the car. It’s a good job I did get that upgrade. Even with all the seats down the car was packed out! The kids had to sit cross legged on the back with cases in front of them too.
There are all in bed now, safe and sound. The gentle snore from Katie, the “ur” from Sarah in her comatosed state passed out on the bed and the complete silence from Zack… in fact I better check her is still breathing. …. …….. yep he is fine I just poked him and he moved.

It’s good to have them back, even though my first job was to clean out the clothes and the apartment looks like a bomb has hit it. I don’t care though. I had the sound of children laughing in here earlier. That wipes out the ticking clock, humming refrigerator and buzzing light. (bloody light, in fact I’m gonna take that b**tard out right now). That’s better.

Right off to fill the car up again ready for retuning it tomorrow morning.

Singing in the rain

I need eggs, milk and apples form the shop to make sure we are all stock up ready for the big arrival. I wondered up the entrance to the community and thought to myself “what do you do hot shot? Go to Wal-Mart which is fairly close but ultimately you need to cross 60 lanes of traffic, or go to down the street a bit where there is far smaller chance of getting wiped out...what do you do?” (Shoot the hostage). I decided to take the safe option and off I went. One hour and ten minutes it took to walk to the store. Granted there were paths the whole way but I was knackered, wet and tired. All that walking in the rain takes its toll. I so need a car! I had arrived at the store and I worked out that it must have been 2.4 miles to get there. Next to the store there was a stop called Walgreens. This is like a 24hour Boots chemist, which also develops photos. I had got some photo frames earlier in the week and happened to have the memory card from my camera in my pocket. With these the apartment is starting to look like a home.

The city is no place for kids

Today has been a very busy day at work. Lots of meetings and lots of stuff that needs doing. Always a nice problem to have! I did however manage to sneak out for a little wonder around to get some bits and piece ready for the imminent arrival of Sarah and the Kids. I am trying to make the place as welcoming as possible and although I don’t have all the furniture I needs I do now have mattresses for the kids bunk bed. I’m not quite sure how they will decide who is on top, but I’m sure they will work it out.

I thought it would be nice to get a toy each for the kids when they get here so they at least have something to play with. I’m not entirely sure how many toys they are bringing with them but I don’t think it is likely to be a lot. Giving Google maps another chance, after to almighty balls up from Sunday, I typed in toy shop Indianapolis. It showed three results within walking distance. One was closed, one was out of business and the third didn’t exist. I think I might convert to Bing at this rate! Now I came to think of it, I don’t recall seeing any kids in the center in Indianapolis. “Lolly popth! Come and get your lollypopth, children”

Heal, Toe, Heal … not so much.

You know those times where you were expecting one thing but in reality is something quite different? I had one of those kinds of days today.

Ok, so it’s Sunday, I’m not at work, I have transportation and I have a sat-nav to get me where I need to go. Today is the day I make a house a home. With my friend Google Maps in hand I planned a list of 12 furniture stores. I managed to get them all lined up, so I could plan a route where I could quite easily drive from one to another so I am not Zig-Zagging across the city to find these furniture shops. I started at the one furthest away and thought I work my way in so I could get to this barn dance at 5pm (fashionably late) just after the shops close. Half a tank of petrol in the tank and directions to where I am going… let’s go! So I drive off and a bloke in a pick-up truck shouts, “get on the other side of the road!” to which I shout back “I don’t think they are listening to you!” Once I was on my way I was cruising (literally using the cruise control). I find it great driving here. It seems a much more laid back way of driving. In the UK there always seems to be someone in your mirror, ranting at you telling to get on. ..but enough of my reflection in the bathroom. A white van man on your tail, trying to push you out of the way is a common occurrence in the UK. Here the roads are straight, the automatic cars are keeping an eye on your speed and the GPS tells you were to go. Well, what is there left for me to do except sit back, enjoy the autumn scenery and watch the pedestrians bounce off my bonnet.



So after an hour’s drive I finally find the first store. It looked very promising, but ultimately it was closed. Come back on Monday, yeah right, I have no car then so, no chance. On I went to the next port of call. Now I don’t need to give precise directions here, but if I said it was the other side of the tracks you will know what I am talking about. I found myself in the hood. Bars on windows, supped up cars parked in the road with loud gangster music playing whilst partly disassembled cars with long grass growing around them in the front gardens. The gardens that didn’t have bits of car in them had old refrigerators. I went past the furniture shop with a notice in the partly smashed window saying “gone out of business”. Needless to say I didn’t the sat-nav to tell me to get the hell out of there!

The next stop didn’t exist and the one after that was closed. At this point I am getting a little p*#@ed off, as I am very aware that this is the last chance I will be able to get out of walking distance to see ways of furnishing the apartment ready for Sarah and the kid’s arrival later this week. I so desperately wanted it to be a nice home from home experience for them, but his is looking less and less likely. I carry on my merry way to two more addresses that turn out to be residential addresses. Houses that was VERY nice indeed. Image your stereotype of small town America in autumn, with its white picket fence and very polite people raking up their leaves saying good afternoon to just about anything that look at them. This was a total flip side to where I was not 30 minutes ago. Nice as it was, it wasn’t the furniture place I was looking for. Time is really marching on now and I soon realize I am going to be a bit more just fashionably late for this barn dance thing.

On to my final destination! A store, a store that is open… a store with very nice furniture in it, a store that is open with nice furniture and way out of my price range. “Good afternoon sir. Welcome to our store. This is a family run store where we only import the very finest of pieces, or commission hand crafted furniture directly to you, our valued customer. My name is Bob how you are doing today sir”. I think to myself “Er, thanks bob can I get in the door first, would that be OK?” We walk around the store with my considerate “strokey beard” face on, making sounds like, hmmm, “ooh I do like what you have done here”… hmm, the whole time thinking “The minute this guy leaves me alone I’m gonna leg it… but he didn’t! Come on man, time is running out I am looking hand crafted crap that I have no intention of buying. I am ashamed to say I did the “oh, my phone is vibrating, let me just get this… trick”, “yes I’m there just now, I’m speaking to Bob (is it?), Yeah Bob.. u hum, a ha, yeah… ok I’ll ask if Bob has got a card… u hum, a ha, yeah… well they are nice pieces at quite reasonable prices, u hum, a ha, yeah OK, we’ll both come back tomorrow to look.” I thank Bob for his card and swiftly get the hell out of there! There is another vital 45 minutes I’ll never see again.

It is now 5pm and not only are the shop all closed… furniture mission failed! At this point I am an hour late for this barn dance. “Sat-Nav, take me there!” I drive/cruise there, cursing Google and its shopping knowledge sympathizing with Dave Gorman and the journey that Google sent him on.

It would seem that I may have got the wrong and of the stick with this barn dance gig. It wasn’t a barn-dance. Dan, referred to it as a hoe-down. Hoe-down, barn dance, line dance, same thing right? Wrong! I arrive at a field (that I later find out to be Dan’s garden). There is a fire pit with a roaring fire going and trestle tables up with gas BBQ stoves going full pelt.

Although Dan wasn’t there and I knew, er, nobody at all, I thought I would wonder up to the nearest person and introduce myself. All I knew was that there was a tall man called Stu (Dan’s Dad) who would be getting dressed up the occasion. I turn around to see a 6’6” man dressed as Fred Flintstone. Honestly you couldn’t make this stuff up. “Hi Ben, Dan told me all about you. I’m Stu, this is my Wife Lisa, let me introduce you to the rest of the guys”. Lisa then said “We all dress up when we do these things. You can join in if you want to, we have some dressing u gear in the garage… You know Elvis, right?” I was so tempted to say “yeah they help Santa”, but thought better of it… “Who hasn’t heard of Elvis” I say, sounding like his biggest fan. I am them presented with an Elvis costume with a leather waistcoat, fingerless gloves, Elvis glasses with sideburns attached and a black leather hat. I put this outfit on and happened to catch myself in the mirror. Give me a handle bar moustache and I would have looked more like one of the village people. The cap and glasses stayed in the garage!



I left the garage and walked over to the tables in the middle of the field/garden. There were different shapes of wicker baskets with chips (or crisps as we know them), bubbling pots of chili. Apple Cider (non-alcoholic) with cinnamon and piles of sugar in it. Hot chocolate, marsh mellows and pumpkin lights surrounding the entire thing. At this point my tongue was hanging out of my mouth and I was starving. I did, for the record, wait until food was offered before diving in.

I finally got to meet some of the community of Carmel without the religious pretext. This was great! Community and helping each other out is really important to me. I met with Bob and Marge (who was originally from Liverpool with the best accent I have ever heard. Mid-west with a Scouse twang. I could listen to her all night). Then I recognized Auntie Leslie who donated the bunk beds, as well as here husband Gene. As the day turned into night I found myself trampling a line in the grass directly between the food table and fire pit. More and more people started gathering around the fire as time went on.

As we spoke two cars rolled into the long driveway, and Dan appeared out of the back with his bike. He had been cycling all weekend and has just finished a 100 mile bike ride over the weekend. It was quite a big deal here with around 5000 cyclists. He looked knackered, but he did come out and join in the festivities, once here had freshened up and recovered a bit.

I got talking to a guy called Billy (I’d say around 28 years old) who was both interesting and entertaining. He managed to rip an apple in half, wow! Then he showed me how to do it… and then I did. Not too shabby really for a weed like me! (Granted it was on the 5th attempt but don’t steal my thunder ok!) We stood by the food as it got darker, (the sky, not the food you understand).

As we spoke I could hear a twang of guitar strings being tuned in the background. People gathered around the campfire and started singing songs. None of which I knew at this stage. “Cum bi are my lord, cum bi are” a-oh, this feels a little awkward. I gently move away from the inner circle of the fire, humming “someone is getting their coat, my lord, cum bi are” and move towards the food table with the idea of helping to clear up a bit. It turns out, that Billy has a similar outlook to me with the whole religious thing.



My religious beliefs: the quick a simple version. I don’t think you can say categorically there isn’t a god, because nobody knows everything about the universe. That said, I can’t see how anyone can say there definitely is. I am firmly on the fence with this one. I simply don’t know, but I am alright with not knowing. I do believe in community, respect, love and helping each other out. That’s it… oh and chocolate!

These are very nice, generous people who would (and have) gone out of their way to help someone and the last thing I wanted to do was offend anybody by not clapping along and singing by the fire. At eight o’clock it was getting cold and the festivities and fire were starting to die down. People were starting to say goodbye and leave. I thanked them for inviting me and hoped to see them again soon.

I had to get petrol for the car before I took it back in the morning so I went to the nearest “gas” station to fill up. Ok, the tank is nearly empty and it needs to be half full when I return the car in the morning. We have/had a Vauxhall Corsa at home and a full tank costs about £45 to fill up. £1.09 per liter when we left, here it is $2.27 per gallon which, let me see, about, er carry the 1, equates to, chu chu chu…pfft F*#%ed if I know! I’ll just stick $20 in and see how far I get. Ding ding ding. I this one is broke! It stops a $13. I turn the key to make the dashboard light up and quickly see I have filled it up to the top. This car has a bigger fuel capacity than the little Corsa and I have filled it up for $13! No wonder they leave the engines running.

Back to work tomorrow.

Just Cruising

Well today I finally got a car rental! I went there with a copy of the International Driving Permit (IDP) in hand ready for presentation. The guy behind the desk took details of my credit card and the next thing you know, boom, I have hired car. The really annoying thing is that he didn’t ask to see the IDP. “Here I have my IDP to accompany my driver’s license, like it said on your website” I say. “No its OK I believe you” comes the reply. “No, No… Look, this is my IDP… That’s me in the picture… Look! It's me, this is mine… please as least, look at it!” said as a nervous twitch starts to appear on my face knowing the effort that has gone into getting the bloody thing here. He glanced and said, “that’s all in order now sign here” in same breath.

So we go outside and look at this car. Now this is bottom of the range, the no thrills eco car, but I thought it was quite impressive. It had cruise control and everything! After inspecting the exterior and looking for any dents etc, he said “OK it all yours” and handed the keys over. Great let’s go! I open the door and in I jump… just to realize there was no steering wheel. Oh yeah, it’s on the other side. The guy is looking me thing “what is this dude doing?” I look up at him gently laughing to myself, open the glove box and say “ah ha! There are the radio instructions… Doesn’t everyone check for that before driving off?”Oh dear god, get me out of here. The funny thing is, I kept doing this throughout the day each time me (on my own) finding it really funny. If you are ever walking through a car park and there is a guy who sits down in the passenger’s seat, laughs, and then goes in the driver’s seat, they are probably not from that country.

With my driving directions written down on a scrawny bit of paper, I head north looking for this furniture rental place. I must have gone up and down this road four times looking for a street called Huntingdon Road. The road turned out to have eight lines of traffic, which put me off as I was looking for a little street. I only actually found it thanks to my iPod touch and jumping on somebody’s wi-fi network, which was a massive fluke. When I found this place I managed to find a radio shack (like Maplins) and bought a sat-nav. This turned out to be a god send!

I am still getting my head around some of the traffic signals. I thought it would be the same as the UK right? Red=Stop, Amber=get ready and green = go, right? WRONG!

• Green means go if it is clear
• Red means go if you are turning right
• Amber means get ready to stop (so I have read) but here it seems to mean “put your foot down”
• Flashing amber means “caution”(so I have read) but here it means “meh”
• Flashing red means the lights are not working, so you give way to the left (so I have read) but here it means “free for all” and erm “go”

So to recap, the lights mean go.

I found another half decent Supermarket called “Kroger” which is like Tesco. They had a "foods of the world" Isle, so I got my HP sauce! :0) I thought about getting Ribena, but it cost $8.96! (P*$# off!).

I had some other jobs to yesterday too. I filled in the IRS form, and after all that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. The link they send me to was this massive document was relevant, but not exactly the information I needed. I Googled it and found the instructions I actually needed. After reading these instructions, it turns out the questions I didn’t have the answers to, I needed to just leave blank. Well that I can do. I am really good at not filling forms in.

I also had to go to the post office. I have been to Post Offices in different part of the UK and in Europe, but the Post office here are quite different. Quite a bit of it is automated, like most banks these days, but you stand in line waiting to be seen and they come to you. They ask what you want to do and then they pull you of line and help you get the info you need or show you how to use the machine. It’s great… especially when you consider what happened last time I got pulled out of line.

If you are wondering about the barn dance, it has been postponed until tonight.

Time fly’s… then it just stops.

It’s been another busy day today. It has flown quite quickly past until I got a letter in the mail box when I got back from work. Nope, it wasn’t the International Driving Permit I have been waiting for, but two separate letters from my new bank. One says, they need a copy of the social security card, and the other says that the IRS demands I complete a form and mail it back to them or else they are “required to continue backup withholding on your account”. Now, I don’t know what the F@#k that means but it sound pretty serious. That coupled with the statement on the bottom if the form that says “Under penalties of perjury, I declare the above to be correct”, is more than a little bit frightening. There was a link to a manual to aid filling in the form. Seventy-two pages of three column fine print I have had to read and even now I don’t know what I am supposed to put. There is a help number that I am going to try and ring tomorrow morning.

I have a busy day tomorrow:

• Ring Chase banking
• Ring Dan’s Parents about the barn dance
• Skype first thing in the morning to catch-up , Pick up the parcel that has been waiting for me for the last few days
• Talk to the rental lady about the plug sock that is still broken
• Hire a car – Oh yes, that’s right. Hire a car! – I have booked it, I just hope they accept the scan of my International Driving Permit Work out how to drive in the US
• Go to the furniture rental places and see what deals I can get on renting a couch
• Do some food shopping
• See if I can see someone at AT&T, Verizon, bright house or sprint who can sort our phone and internet connection etc out.
• 4pm Barn dance baby!